Dreams

This is a picture of my father.  He was known to most of his community as Rev.  He passed away in February of 2010.  Prior to his death, Dad read this blog every morning that he wasn’t in the hospital.  He was my biggest cheerleader.

At one point, Dad saw all that I was doing:  photography shows, contests, journal making, always working on tons of new stuff, coming up with new ideas, challenging myself.  Always on.  And he said to me “you need to slow down.  You are working too hard.  Take the time to smell the roses”  And I rebutted.  I defended all that I was doing.  I was driven, I had big plans and was moving forward.  I had momentum.

The other night, Dad came to me in a dream.  He wanted to know what happened.  He said he has noticed that I wasn’t moving forward, I had lost momentum.  He wanted to know why I had been sick for 5 weeks, why the spark had gone out.  He had a talk with me in the dream about many struggles I had been having.   Just as in life, he imparted wisdom.  He, as always, helped me to see clearly things that I’ve been refusing to see.  Things that were eating away at me, things that were keeping me down.

I’m well on the road to recovery… in so many ways.

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You Know Your Way Home

I’ve been traveling a LOT in the past month, well, since Micky’s accident on the 5th.  Traveling 4 hours away as often as we could.  And since my love always drives on trips, that left me with a lot of free time.  On one of the trips, I read a book by Suzanne Jauchius called “You Know Your Way Home”.  It was an awesome book, by a local “celebrity”, a psychic, and it’s an autobiography.  But this post isn’t really about that (though I do recommend the book).

I was recently asked in Goddess Leonie’s Goddess Circle what words of wisdom I would impart… well, a thread was posted with requests, so I answered.  I talked a little about the book and said that would be my wisdom.  You know your way home.  That one phrase reminded me of so many things.

As I shared here, I was in the middle of a meltdown before receiving news of Micky’s accident.  I was spiraling downward.  I was sucked into an abyss caused by too much work at a job that doesn’t fill my well, and too much exhaustion to work on one that totally fills me.  And I forgot that I know my way home.  I was barely treading water when I received the call about Micky.  And within an hour I was in the car, on the way.  On the way to a town I hadn’t lived in for over 10 years.  On the way to a family that I became a part of a little over 20 years ago.  A family that I dropped out of about 8 years ago, a family that despite everything embraced me 4 years ago when we came together for another family emergency.  And I remembered my way home.

I remembered that home is not about bickering.  It is not about holding grudges against my ex’s girlfriend.  Grudges from my own pride at wanting to be my boys’ mom.  Home is about remembering my role and knowing they appreciate me for me.  Home is where I can appreciate ALL of the adults who love my children.  Home is where we can all take some time to raft down the river, to go out to eat, and hold each other tight while awaiting news.

All of that reminded me.  I know my way home.  It helped me to remember how to get back to that business that I love.  It is helping me still, to fight for time to make that business grow.  Home is about everyone using their skills and gifts for the greater good.   I’m so happy to have remembered that all along I knew my way home.

When you are treading water, struggling to keep your head up, and tired, oh so tired, say those words to yourself.  You know your way home.

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