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Posts Tagged ‘family’

I’ve been traveling a LOT in the past month, well, since Micky’s accident on the 5th.  Traveling 4 hours away as often as we could.  And since my love always drives on trips, that left me with a lot of free time.  On one of the trips, I read a book by Suzanne Jauchius called “You Know Your Way Home”.  It was an awesome book, by a local “celebrity”, a psychic, and it’s an autobiography.  But this post isn’t really about that (though I do recommend the book).

I was recently asked in Goddess Leonie’s Goddess Circle what words of wisdom I would impart… well, a thread was posted with requests, so I answered.  I talked a little about the book and said that would be my wisdom.  You know your way home.  That one phrase reminded me of so many things.

As I shared here, I was in the middle of a meltdown before receiving news of Micky’s accident.  I was spiraling downward.  I was sucked into an abyss caused by too much work at a job that doesn’t fill my well, and too much exhaustion to work on one that totally fills me.  And I forgot that I know my way home.  I was barely treading water when I received the call about Micky.  And within an hour I was in the car, on the way.  On the way to a town I hadn’t lived in for over 10 years.  On the way to a family that I became a part of a little over 20 years ago.  A family that I dropped out of about 8 years ago, a family that despite everything embraced me 4 years ago when we came together for another family emergency.  And I remembered my way home.

I remembered that home is not about bickering.  It is not about holding grudges against my ex’s girlfriend.  Grudges from my own pride at wanting to be my boys’ mom.  Home is about remembering my role and knowing they appreciate me for me.  Home is where I can appreciate ALL of the adults who love my children.  Home is where we can all take some time to raft down the river, to go out to eat, and hold each other tight while awaiting news.

All of that reminded me.  I know my way home.  It helped me to remember how to get back to that business that I love.  It is helping me still, to fight for time to make that business grow.  Home is about everyone using their skills and gifts for the greater good.   I’m so happy to have remembered that all along I knew my way home.

When you are treading water, struggling to keep your head up, and tired, oh so tired, say those words to yourself.  You know your way home.

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More Truth

What I have these days is truth.  And for the most part, that truth is amazing.  Micky continues to progress.  There are miracles every day.  The truth is that he died 3 times on the operating table.  The truth is that the surgeons fought so hard to save him.  And they did such an amazing job.  My truth is that I lost my father a year and a half ago.  It would break my heart for my ex husband to have lost his last friday.  Our children lost one grandfather, and the truth is they are even closer to this one, since he has been in their lives from day one, and very actively so.  I am thankful with every ounce of my being.  Thankful for the surgeons, the doctors, the nurses, even the janitors who keep such a clean environment for him to heal in.

There is more to my truth.  My ex’s girlfriend is an RN at the hospital Micky is in.  And in the past, we have had our differences.  Our story has changed with this event.  I am so thankful for her.  She has been so helpful, so kind, and has kept us informed of every aspect of his care.  She calls me daily to update me, as I am 5 hours away.  At the end of the day, since last Friday, we are a supportive family.  And that family includes my love and my ex’s love.  My truth is that we are not a “normal” family.  But we have all learned to support one another.

My next truth is harsh.  Everyone asks why.  Why does something so bad happen to someone so good.  And Micky is good.  Always smiling, always hugging, always showing love.  But my truth is that I have seen so many miracles from this that I wonder if that’s why.  We all came together without question.  We rushed to each other’s sides.  We came together with open arms.  Every. Single. One. of us.  Micky is our patriarch and he would be proud.  In so many ways he and his wife made us who we are, as a unit.

Another truth?  This family bliss is new, and I am afraid.  What if we fall back to old patterns?  My pledge is to do my very best.  We have open communication right now.   I will do all I can to keep that.

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My Truth

Last week, I was teetering on the edge.  I felt like I was going to break.  I felt like I was under so much pressure.  I seriously felt like that pressure was going to crush my soul.

Then Friday morning at work, I received the call.  The call that no-one wants to make, and no-0ne wants to receive.  My ex husband, my children’s father was on the line.  And he told me that his father was in an accident and I needed to get the children there quickly and safely.  It was bad, he said.

At that moment, no amount of stress or feelings of overwhelm mattered.  My ex and I were married for 12 years.  We were divorced 8 years ago.  Yet we have remained family.  I have remained relatively close with his family, and we’ve all gotten together for holidays.

My (ex) father in law’s name is Micky.  Micky is retired, but couldn’t NOT work, so he took an on-call position at the school district he worked for.  He was called in Friday to do janitorial work.  He headed to work with pride to do his job.  He was on his motorcycle and he struck a deer.  Within a mile of his home.  Micky was thrown a long way.  And yes, it was bad.  He has about 7 broken ribs, many broken in the front and back.  He has many fractured vertebra.  He has a broken shoulder blade.  In surgery, they repaired his liver, removed his pulverized spleen.  And he died 3 times on the table.  But it wasn’t his day.  His brain is good, his spinal cord is completely intact.  They are keeping him heavily sedated, and on a ventilator.  But they wake him twice a day.  He follows simple tasks.  He can move his hand on command, wiggle his foot, etc.  And last night they turned off the ventilator and he breathed on his own for 30 minutes.  He is too sedated to take completely off the ventilator.  But he is one hell of a fighter.

But this occasion… it has brought this family together.  We have all rallied around his wife, who he has been married to for over 40 years.  All 7 of Micky’s grandsons were there at the hospital.  We kept vigil and we walked back to his room 2 by 2.  We laughed, we cried.  We hugged, and we drew on each other’s strengths.

My truth was expressed to Micky’s wife.  Saturday morning.  There was an incident, over 6 years ago… and we were good afterwards.  We were good.  BUT… it had never been discussed.  I talked to her (probably unnecessarily, in her eyes, but I needed to talk), and I told her my truth.  I was heard.  So much love flowed from her to me.  So much love.  And a huge weight was lifted.

Once again, Micky brought this family together (he beat all odds after an accident 4 years ago as well).  We have already seen so many miracles.  We are now poised to see more.

What I’ve learned is… don’t underestimate the human spirit, and tell your Truth.

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