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Peace. Clarity. Healing. Growth.
That was my final intention while performing my grief ritual this morning. I wish all those grieving to have peace, clarity, healing and growth.
Peace in accepting their loss.
Clarity in appreciating all of the good from the lost relationships, lost jobs, lost loves. Clarity in remembering that the feelings brought on by grief are just that… brought on by grief, and dealing with them accordingly.
Healing in moving beyond the grief.
Growth. Above all, growth. Growth to get through and develop the wisdom to help others.
On New Year’s Day, January 1, 2012, I will be performing a grief ritual for you. I will include anyone who tells me their name. I will also put the grief you have (grief after a death, loss of a job, illness, etc.)
I will write down all the information on scraps of handmade paper and toss them into a bowl. I will light a candle, and then I will do a healing meditation. I will also play the singing bowl for a bit. Then I will light the papers on fire, sending the grief into the wind. I will close with a love meditation.
If you would like to be included, leave a comment here or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Yes, this is a deviation from my grief posts… but sometimes we need to celebrate. Some of my very favorite people have been blogging about their accomplishments in 2011. I think it’s so important to acknowledge our achievements, so I’d like to share some of mine.
I narrowed the scope of my coaching down to Grief. I had gotten my certification and for a bit, I floundered, trying to be all to everyone. Once I narrowed it down, I had such increased clarity… things began happening for me.
I helped several clients work through their grief, empowering them to come through the flames and live life to it’s fullest!
I offered and taught my Artist Empowerment Class, continuing from 2010.
I designed and sold numerous sets of my cards. Sets of 30 cards to guide us in dealing with issues. Grief. Anxiety. Gratitude. Joy. Empower. De-clutter.
Created my Artist Empowerment Class in Your Inbox for those self-guided souls.
I designed and built this site all on my own. Well, with a few pointers here and there, and my son helped with the background.
I poured my heart and soul into my blog posts.
I began making journals again and listing them here.
I worked a full time job… that I don’t always enjoy, but I do my job damn well, and am reliable.
I networked like crazy, finding like minded souls all over the world.
I created a completely drama free home.
I loved. I loved. I loved.
2010 was a grief filled year. Last year at this time, I was in so much pain. My first Christmas without my Dad. Feeling for my brother and his children after his wife’s death. It turned my days into black and white. The color was drained out.
Grief has a way of taking residence. It affects our senses. Dulls them. But, once dealt with, the color can start to come back.
This Christmas, I continued to carry out traditions that are influenced by those I’ve lost. I made tamales because when I lived with my grandparents we had tamales during the Christmas season. I made brisket because of my life with them. I disregarded traditional turkey and stuffing because of my Dad’s teachings (that you do what makes YOU happy and make your own traditions).
They were all with us. And we were joyful in our holiday celebrations.
In many ways, the joy we felt this year was sweeter. It was absent last year. But this year, we were back to living life to the fullest, just as Dad would have wanted. As all who we’ve lost would have wanted. Some things still brought tears to my eyes, and perhaps they always will, but the joy was ever present.
We grieve, and we grow. Life comes in cycles. If you are in the thick of grieving as you read this, please know that it will become easier. And it’s absolutely ok to be living the black and white. The color will return, I promise you.
If you need help, please come talk to me. www.empoweredlife.biz
I had an altogether different post scheduled for today… but then I got a message on facebook and it changed my focus.
By all accounts, a man I graduated with was in an argument with his neighbor. It escalated, the neighbor is dead from a gunshot, and my classmate is in custody.
We were not close. But having been from the same “social class” at high school, we knew one another. Neither of us were from rich families.
I can’t fathom the kind of hell this man is in, sitting in jail, possibly having killed a man. Nor can I imagine the hell that the victim’s family is in.
Grief in these two families, grief throughout the community, and grief that spreads to all of us who knew either one, it will go far and wide.
My heart goes out to all. And I wish I could give my classmate a hug. Not to clear him of any guilt, but to let him know that regardless of the actions of the other night, I care.
I’ve often been obsessed with the point of no return. I wonder what makes people go beyond that point. And I wonder how one makes it through after. Like the man who chose to drive drunk and killed my friend Eric. What in the world made him pass that point of no return? And Susan Smith, what was her point of no return? And how do you find your way back once you’ve crossed that line.
Please join me in sending healing energy to all affected by this tragedy.
I’ve never told this full story to my online world. It is difficult. And it was grief ridden. Here goes.
About 6 years ago, after my alzheimer’s job, I had to get out of the small town I lived in. I saw no future whatsoever there. The town was dying. There were no jobs. Absolutely no room to advance. So I decided after a lot of deliberation that I needed to move towards Portland, Oregon. 5 hours away.
My 3 sons stayed with their dad while I moved. And the plan was for them to move up after I got settled. That was the plan. Getting settled took a couple of months, but soon I was doing well and had an apartment big enough for the boys to fit into with us.
My ex began talking about the boys staying with him. I would hear nothing of it and made that very clear. Then I started noticing that when I called, my middle son wouldn’t come to the phone. When he was made to talk to me, it was very short.
What happened in their minds at that point was that for the first time ever, we were at war, their father and I. And they were right smack dab in the middle.
I was served with custody papers at work. My world came crashing down. I cried for days.
After I was cried out, I sat down and journaled. I poured my heart out. I wrote for about a dozen pages when I was stunned by what I discovered.
I called my ex husband. He was none too pleased to hear from me, as we were at war and I had not been too kind. I asked him if he was sitting down. What I told him was that I had been really struggling with this, and could fight him til my death, but that no one would win, especially the children. But after all was said and done, he was a good dad. And so, I would not be fighting him. I wanted what was best for the children, and they wanted to stay there.
Then I cried some more.
Sometimes, even if you know you are doing the right thing, grief comes. For years on Mother’s Day, I tried to hole myself up, to not go out. I couldn’t stand random strangers telling me happy mother’s day.
Fast forward 6 years. The oldest lived with me for a year after he graduated, and we are all so very close. The boys know that I respected them with my decision. And when they come up for the summer, for the holidays, for spring break, we pack as much as we can into our time.
We often have family time together, the ex, his girlfriend, his parents, the boys, me, and my love. We are blessed. And I can’t help but think that we wouldn’t be where we are today had the war continued.