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Posts Tagged ‘struggling’

I’ve been traveling a LOT in the past month, well, since Micky’s accident on the 5th.  Traveling 4 hours away as often as we could.  And since my love always drives on trips, that left me with a lot of free time.  On one of the trips, I read a book by Suzanne Jauchius called “You Know Your Way Home”.  It was an awesome book, by a local “celebrity”, a psychic, and it’s an autobiography.  But this post isn’t really about that (though I do recommend the book).

I was recently asked in Goddess Leonie’s Goddess Circle what words of wisdom I would impart… well, a thread was posted with requests, so I answered.  I talked a little about the book and said that would be my wisdom.  You know your way home.  That one phrase reminded me of so many things.

As I shared here, I was in the middle of a meltdown before receiving news of Micky’s accident.  I was spiraling downward.  I was sucked into an abyss caused by too much work at a job that doesn’t fill my well, and too much exhaustion to work on one that totally fills me.  And I forgot that I know my way home.  I was barely treading water when I received the call about Micky.  And within an hour I was in the car, on the way.  On the way to a town I hadn’t lived in for over 10 years.  On the way to a family that I became a part of a little over 20 years ago.  A family that I dropped out of about 8 years ago, a family that despite everything embraced me 4 years ago when we came together for another family emergency.  And I remembered my way home.

I remembered that home is not about bickering.  It is not about holding grudges against my ex’s girlfriend.  Grudges from my own pride at wanting to be my boys’ mom.  Home is about remembering my role and knowing they appreciate me for me.  Home is where I can appreciate ALL of the adults who love my children.  Home is where we can all take some time to raft down the river, to go out to eat, and hold each other tight while awaiting news.

All of that reminded me.  I know my way home.  It helped me to remember how to get back to that business that I love.  It is helping me still, to fight for time to make that business grow.  Home is about everyone using their skills and gifts for the greater good.   I’m so happy to have remembered that all along I knew my way home.

When you are treading water, struggling to keep your head up, and tired, oh so tired, say those words to yourself.  You know your way home.

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I am feeling amazingly disconnected right now.  I’m exhausted.  I seem to be in a constant state of exhaustion.  I’m working so many hours.  I’m feeling my way through difficult tasks at work, and am feeling more confident.  But here’s the thing.  I don’t want to be learning new things there.  I don’t want to be excelling.  I want to be working on my business.  I want to be coaching more, I want to breathe life into my 2 big projects.  I want to help people.

Yet, I’m exhausted.  I’m trying to be gentle with myself because I know that in about 3 weeks life will slow a bit.  Work, hopefully, will start being a smoother process.  And in the meantime, I exist in this almost sleepwalking mode.

How do you deal when you feel disconnected?

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